The Case for Always Fully Setting the Table



Growing up, setting the table for family meals was a constant in our life.  No matter what we were having, we set the table completely for family meals.  Even if our meal did not involve a spoon, we set the table with one.  Even if our meal did not involve a knife, we still placed it, blade facing in, next to the spoon. Nights when we had hamburgers and french fries, and therefore did not need any silverware, we fully set the table.  Every single night, one of my siblings, or myself, did this task to the point where we could do it blindfolded, in our sleep.  It was as common as sitting down for a meal. 

As a child, it seemed tedious.  As an adult, I now see why we were required to fully set the table each night, regardless of what we were having.  

For starters, my siblings and I will never forget how to do such a task. It is as ingrained in our subconscious as much as it is to say "Yes Ma'am" to a woman older than us.  Repetition, and seeing the fruits of our efforts each time we sat down together, was a powerful way to learn a skill.  Practice makes perfect.  And I still remember enjoying the praise I got from my parents when we sat down to a meal in which I was the place setting helper. Children need repetition in order to master anything, and teaching them at a young age not only to set the table, but to do it every single night, is a way to ensure they will never forget it. 

Another, more impactful reason that setting the table properly each and every night, was because it set the tone that dinnertime was important.  We not only ate a meal in each other's company, hearing about each other's day, but we dressed the table to match the occasion.  Dinnertime was, and still is, a special time for family.  We lead hectic lives, and not much time is left for family connection.  When we do get that precious time we make it special, by setting the table, gathering, and dining together.  It is a bonus when we add flowers, a nice tablecloth, cloth napkins, or a candle as well. Children pick up on this.   It is a wonderful thing to see children getting excited over a pretty table, and when that happens, they usually treat the dinner as if it really matters.  Because, in the end, it really does. 

The Importance of Teaching Manners to Children

We believe that the word "manners" means so much more than which fork to use at a dinner party.  As Emily Post wisely said, "Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others.  If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use."  In that vein, we  teach that "manners begin with respect for others".  Every lesson that we teach has that foundation to it.  As such, what we are really teaching in our manners classes, at its root, is kindness and respect for others. 

When children are taught at an early age to always have this in mind, they automatically are learning good manners.  Showing respect to others means chewing with your mouth closed.  Showing respect for others means looking others in the eye while speaking.  Showing respect to others means holding the door for someone else.  Showing respect for others means listening to others, and respecting them, whether or not you agree with them. Showing respect for others means showing gratitude when kindness is bestowed.  The list goes on and on. 

If we start by teaching children the root of it all is really respect, then that becomes their foundation. With respect, kindness follows. This fortunately comes easily for children as well, because they are often the kindest version of ourselves anyway. 

The benefit to the children is that as they grow up knowing the social norms, the societal expectations, and the specifics of how to dine and act in a proper way, they are automatically filled with confidence in social settings.  In this day and age, children are faced with many different challenges that can create anxiety for them.  What a wonderful thing, we believe, to give them a boost of confidence in their future social settings by teaching them proper manners and etiquette at a young age.  We believe it is a gift, and we feel truly honored to be a part of that process.